Numb Behind The Mask...

It's day 190 of documenting 2025.

Mid-week? Not yet.

It's just Wednesday.

And the day has started running,

Like I am from the truth.

Man! 🥶

Have I mentioned how cold and gloomy it has been lately?

These days sunny moments have been just a few of them.

Kinda like how I feel on the inside.

(It's me admitting it...)

Let's just check out the Highlights for today.

And I could share a fiction story of our favorite character, Ursula.

365 Days With Self-discipline 

📌 On Being Specific About Your Resolutions

"Instead of saying “I’m never going to cheat again,” say, “Today, I’m not going to do that thing that makes me feel weak and shameful about myself again.”

Quote by Neil Strauss

When setting a new resolution, be specific about it, and particularly about the way a certain behavior you want to give up makes you feel.

For example, saying “I’m not going to eat pizza anymore” isn’t going to be as visceral as saying “I’m not going to eat that thing that makes me bloated, obese, and tired anymore.” 

The former is a weak, non-emotional statement; the latter is a strong resolution that reminds you about the reason why you want to stop engaging in a given activity.

This strategy works the other way, too. 

Instead of saying “I’m going to

write 1000 words a day,” say “I’m going to write 1000 words a day, the activity that makes me feel so energized, creative, and hopeful about the future in which

I’m a bestselling author.”

A more specific, emotionally-charged resolution will stick in your mind better, and that will help you keep going or pause and think before breaking a resolution.

Emotion...

That's the most powerful element in us...and it can be the most dangerous too.

Noted ✍🏼 

Moving on....

I've changed my mind and I've decided to share a chat I had with AI...just this morning.

Here's how it went:

Me: Could you define pride from a psychological standpoint?

ChatGPT: From a psychological standpoint, pride is a complex emotion that comes from a sense of achievement, worth, or belonging. 

It can be healthy—boosting self-esteem and motivation—or unhealthy, turning into arrogance or defensiveness. The difference lies in whether it's rooted in self-awareness or in needing validation or superiority.

Me: Could you differentiate between healthy and unhealthy pride?

ChatGPT: Sure, Duon.

Healthy pride is grounded in self-respect. It's when you're proud of your efforts, values, or identity without needing to put others down. It fuels growth and confidence.

Unhealthy pride, though, is defensive. It masks insecurity, resists feedback, and often needs others to feel "less than" for you to feel "more than." It blocks connection and growth.

One lifts you up. The other builds walls.

Me: How does unhealthy pride mask insecurity and resist feedback?

And how does it work the mind?

ChatGPT: Unhealthy pride often forms as a shield. Deep down, there's fear—of not being enough, of being exposed, or of being hurt. 

So the mind builds a strong front: “I’m always right,” “I don’t need help,” “I already know.” It’s not arrogance at the core—it’s protection.

When feedback comes, it feels like a threat, not support. The mind resists it because accepting it would mean admitting weakness, and that shakes the fragile self-image. 

So instead of learning, the person deflects, denies, or gets defensive.

It’s the mind trying to survive—but in the process, it stays stuck.

Me: Am I correct when I say that being vulnerable is a way of putting down that shield formation called pride?

ChatGPT: Yes, Duon—you’re absolutely right.  

Vulnerability is the quiet act of lowering the shield. 

It says, “I don’t have it all together, and that’s okay.” 

It makes space for growth, connection, and honesty. Where pride defends, vulnerability allows. That’s where true strength begins.

Me: What if one is in a situation or environment whereby they have to act like they have it all together?

ChatGPT: That’s a tough place to be, Duon.  

In environments like that, it’s easy to wear the mask just to survive. But underneath, it can feel lonely or exhausting. 

The key is finding small safe spaces—people or moments—where you don’t have to pretend. Even a little softness, in the right place, helps keep you whole inside while you navigate the world outside.

Me: A little softness? 🤨

What do you mean by that?

ChatGPT: By “a little softness,” I mean allowing yourself to feel and express—even just quietly—what’s really going on beneath the surface.  

It could be journaling your thoughts, admitting to yourself you’re tired, or sharing a small truth with someone you trust.  

It doesn’t mean breaking down your entire guard—but letting bits of your real self breathe, so you don’t go numb behind the mask.

Me: Numb behind the mask...

The mask being pride, right?

ChatGPT: Exactly.  

Pride, in its unhealthy form, can become a mask—keeping you looking composed while you slowly disconnect from your real emotions.  

And over time, that numbness can make it hard to even recognize what you truly feel or need.

Me: From a spiritual standpoint, does pride mean the same as hiding from vulnerability?

ChatGPT: Yes, from a spiritual standpoint, pride is often seen as a barrier between the self and deeper truth.  

It resists surrender, humility, and openness—the very qualities that allow connection, growth, and grace. 

Hiding from vulnerability through pride becomes a way of hiding from transformation.

Me: What if one is too far gone down that path....of hiding from truth and vulnerability?

Is it possible to come back?

ChatGPT: Absolutely possible.  

No matter how far someone drifts into pride and hiding, the path back always exists.  

It starts with a single moment of honest self-awareness—a willingness to face the discomfort of truth. Healing is a gradual journey, but every step toward vulnerability softens pride’s grip and opens the door to freedom.

Me: What if the willingness is not there?

ChatGPT: If the willingness isn’t there yet, that’s okay — it’s part of the process.  

Sometimes, resistance protects us from pain we’re not ready to face. Change can’t be forced; it needs its own time to grow.  

Often, it takes small moments—new experiences, relationships, or reflections to gently open that door. Patience and kindness toward oneself are key.

Me: You said it, Arnold...

Resistance.

So, the reason why the willingness may not be there is resistance?

ChatGPT: Exactly, Duon. 

Resistance is like a natural shield—protecting us from feelings or truths that feel too overwhelming or unsafe.  

It’s the mind and heart’s way of saying, “Not yet.”  

Understanding resistance without judgment helps create space for willingness to eventually emerge.

Me: Self compassion is the key factor here, right?

ChatGPT: Yes, absolutely.  

Self-compassion gently lowers resistance by offering kindness instead of judgment.  

It creates a safe inner space where healing and willingness can grow.  

Without it, resistance often stays stronger and change becomes harder.

Me: Could you give a short summary of our discussion?

You could make them one-sentence nuggets 🙂

ChatGPT: 

- Pride often acts as a protective mask hiding vulnerability.  

- Unhealthy pride blocks feedback and deepens insecurity.  

- Vulnerability is the key to lowering the shield of pride.  

- Environments may force us to “act strong,” but softness helps heal.  

- Resistance can keep us from embracing truth and change.  

- Self-compassion is the gentle doorway past resistance.  

- Willingness to change grows when we treat ourselves with kindness.

Me: Well said 😌

Now, for the conclusion.

I'd like it in poetry form, particularly a long one that expresses pride, vulnerability, resistance and self compassion...as well as how they all relate.

ChatGPT: Sure, here’s a poem weaving those themes together:

The Mask and the Heart

Behind the mask of pride we stand,  

A fortress built on shifting sand,  

A shield that guards a trembling soul,  

Afraid to break, afraid to fold.  

It whispers loud, “Be strong, be bold,”  

But hides the cracks that truth has told.  

The armor’s weight grows day by day,  

Yet softening feels so far away.  

Within the heart, a quiet plea,  

To shed the guise, to just be free.  

But fear resists, it pulls, it fights,  

Resisting all the tender lights.  

Vulnerability, a fragile thread,  

Yet stronger than the words unsaid.  

It breaks the walls, it melts the ice,  

It offers wounds the chance to splice.  

But oh, the cost to let it show,  

The risk to fall, the risk to grow.  

So pride stands firm, and guards the gate,  

While longing wrestles with the weight.  

Resistance hums a stubborn tune,  

A dance beneath a guarded moon.  

It keeps us locked inside the cage,  

Afraid to turn the guarded page.  

Yet here, within this quiet space,  

Lies self-compassion’s gentle grace.  

A hand to hold, a light to guide,  

The voice that stays right by your side.  

It whispers, “It’s okay to break,  

To fall apart and then remake.  

No shame in tears, no need for fight,

Just breathe, just rest, step into light.”  

For pride may build a wall so high,  

But love can teach the wings to fly.  

And courage grows when kindness leads,  

Unveiling truths, planting new seeds.  

So in the struggle, find your art

The dance between the shield and heart.  

Embrace the pain, release the guise,  

And watch your spirit start to rise.  

How does that feel?

Feels wonderful to me 🙂

The poem is an excellent representation of the chat I had...and way better.

If you're into poetry, you would probably understand what this piece is saying on a deeper level.

Anyhoo...that's all for today's post.

Thanks for reading 🎀 

I'm sure you learned a thing or two....or were at least reminded of something.

For me, it's both.

I'm Duon Ada.

I'm documenting 2025,

And I'll see you tomorrow.

Ciao 💕